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Concerned about the Turf Hounds' starting QB Vince Young and his mobility, Fox sent the entire starting defense, including Jamal Williams and Shawne Merriman (pictured left, with Tomlinson, Gates, Lorenzo Neal, and Hanik Milligan at the 2005 Pro Bowl) on the road to try and contain Young. It worked as the T-Bolts held Young to only 16 points and defeated the Turf Hounds by a score of 162-138. At home, however, the Silver Hammers' starting QB Tony Romo had a huge game against the 2nd-string defense, scoring 63 points and single-handedly led the Hammers to a 162-162 tie against the T-Bolts.It's a good thing that the Thunderbolts defense knew what was going on, because if things had been left entirely to the offense, the T-Bolts just might have had an 0-2 record right now instead of 1-0-1. Here's some of the mistakes and miscommunications made by some of the T-Bolts offense.
About an hour prior to gametime, the Thunderbolts' coaching staff noticed that WR Reggie Brown was nowhere to be found at either stadium. Coach Fox asked for a volunteer to go to Brown's house and try to find him. As reported in an earlier article by the Texas Times, Brown (right) is notorious for getting sidetracked by playing with his massive collection of MacFarlane NFL action figures and losing all sense of time. This is just one of the reasons that Brown's nickname is the Mental Midget.
Just before gametime, RB Jerious Norwood left the Thunderdome to go to Brown's house. Halfway there, he ran out of gas. So Norwood called Chester Taylor, who by this time had already carried the ball three times and had one reception (wow...two points), and explained the situation. Chester told Norwood to call AAA, but, of course, Jerious had let his membership expire. So Chester did what every best-friend would do. He left the game - while still in his full uniform - and filled a 10-gallon plastic gasoline canister (left) with gas to take to Norwood...forgetting that Norwood drives a diesel-fueled vehicle. So then, they had to make another trip to get the right kind of gasoline. Meanwhile, Brown came out of his trance-like state, realized that he was extremely late for the game and arrived with 30 seconds left, which was just enough time to catch one pass for 14 yards (again...two whole points). By the time Taylor and Norwood returned, after a side-trip to McDonald's, the game had long been over and Taylor was complaining about a tummyache, or a strained oblique, or something like that. (Update: Taylor's status for the Thunderbolts' Week Two game against the Wild Bunch is questionable as he is actually suffering from a sprained stomach from eating 16 Big Macs and 4 1/2 Quarter Pounders with Cheese during the game last Sunday.)
Surprisingly enough, this wasn't even the largest fiasco for the Thunderbolts last Sunday. Thunderbolts' Equipment Manager Moron McGoober (pictured right, carefully taking precise measurements for facemasks) idiotically issued a jersey to starting quarterback Drew Brees that did not have a right armhole. Backup quarterback Philip Rivers' jersey actually had no headhole or armholes at all, so playing Rivers in place of Brees wasn't an option at all. 
Despite having to play the entire game left-handed and having balance issues due to his right arm being pinned to his side, Brees (pictured left in his ill-fitted jersey) still managed to score 29 points, a minor miracle given the circumstances. Also, due to the limitations placed on Brees, all running plays to LaDainian Tomlinson and passing plays to Antonio Gates and Andre Johnson had to happen on the left side of the field. Amazingly enough, both the Turf Hounds' and the Silver Hammers' defenses never quite seemed to catch on to this as the Big Three combined for 82 points by only using the left-half of the field.Needless to say, McGoober has been terminated and the Thunderbolts are expecting to have fully-functioning jerseys next week against the Wild Bunch.
